Mediation Could Work for You
by Sarah Glade Gurney
Sonoma West Times & News
July 2009 Women in Business
I see fewer people resorting to expensive
litigation or to the complex collaborative
approach to resolve their
legal disputes. In this economy, more
people are choosing mediation, thinking
it costs less.
Mediation can cost less because one
attorney serves as a neutral facilitator
and legal professional for two people. It
allows people to maintain control over
the timing, content, and result of their
legal efforts.
Mediation is a lot of work. The clients
need to define their issues and determine
their priorities. Once these become
clear, the clients gather the information
they need to understand the decisions
ahead. They discuss different opportunities
for settlement and negotiate until
each person is satisfied.
When I meet new clients, one or both
might express doubt about their ability
to do this work during an emotional
transition and under financial stress. As
we get better acquainted with each
other, the process, and the issues, the
clients gain skill and confidence.
Here are some of the skills that I
have noted in my successful clients who,
in the midst of their troubles, mightn’t
have thought they would do so well.
- Being able to listen and learn what
legal work needs to be done. Most people
have little experience with the legal
bureaucracy so I spend time informing
them about what’s required to enter and
exit our legal system.
- Expressing needs in an honest and
respectful way. Being a good communicator
is key and very challenging, especially
in highly charged moments or
about sensitized issues. If a person can
identify his or her needs, then those
needs can usually be met.
- Keeping the goal in mind.
Discussions take people from the macro
issues into the micro details. Discussing
what seems like minutia can get overwhelming,
intellectually and emotionally.
Usually, when people can see all of
the details together in the big picture,
they know what is acceptable.
- Committing to tasks and working
in between meetings. There is homework
to do. There are practical assignments;
there also is the interior work of
personal change. It takes genuine effort
for people to move from the painful
place they may be in, to the uncertainty
of transition, then into a newly defined
relationship.
- Willing to take some risks. Mediation is an entirely volunteer
process. It takes courage and trust.
If you find yourself needing legal
help, I hope that you will consider mediation,
having confidence that you can
develop these skills and succeed.
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